It’s time for another post in the Build ‘Em Up series with Kelly, Erin, and Courtney. This week the topic is, The Joy of Playing With Your Kids. I love this topic and I am looking forward to gathering encouragement from each of your posts, too.
When I was pregnant with Braylen, I had visions of tea parties and baby dolls. When she was born and I watched her tiny body sleeping soundly through the day, I was simultaneously struck with a conflicting need for her to remain this small forever and for her to quickly get to a point of interaction with me. Slowly, day-by-day, I watched as she went from a sleepy newborn to a baby who put everything in her mouth to a toddler with an imagination that knows no boundaries. We are here, in this princess-loving, tutu-wearing, tea-party-having, moment and it is unlike anything I imagined it to be.These days playing is full of adventure and imagination. We go on bear hunts and crawl under (yes, under) caves, she asks me to read Fancy Nancy only after she has put on her tutu and heels, and she makes the best purple play-doh peas you’ll ever eat.
It’s unlike anything I imagined in more ways than one. If I’m being honest, it has taken me some time to really learn how to play with her. I’m a seasoned multi-tasker, I know it’s not a good thing to do or a great mindset to have, I am certainly a work in progress. I check email and fold laundry all while some show I recorded weeks ago is playing in the background. I used to be bad about organizing things in the playroom or sneaking over to her room to put her laundry away, while I was playing with her. My attention span is short and my mind is constantly wandering to other parts of my life, other places on my to-do list, while I should be pressing play-doh into cupcake molds. I’m a product of a technology driven, social media focused culture and for a while I was okay with that. Until I was checking Twitter in the middle of putting a puzzle together, until I was spending time trying to get a perfect shot to share on Instagram in the middle of building a tower out of blocks.
It became very clear to me that I wasn’t playing with any kind of intent. I was sitting beside her, but I wasn’t playing with her.
Truth be told, I was half-heartedly playing with this amazing little person who deserves much more, who deserves all of me. I started to carefully evaluate my time with her, to free myself of distractions, I would literally leave my phone downstairs. When I started playing with her, and I mean really playing by engaging and using my imagination, I started to really learn from her. I watched as her little mind wandered from toy to toy in the playroom, as she took on different roles. First, a chef cooking me anything I desired, then a princess with a magic wand, then a engineer building tall towers.
Playing with her, uninterrupted, has taught me so much. There is so much joy in a room where a child is playing. It’s a welcome break from the stresses of life, from the rush outside those walls. She isn’t aware of anything else, she is full of happiness and her carefree spirit becomes contagious. It’s hard to take life outside those walls seriously when you’re wearing a toddler-sized tutu and a flashing pink crown. It’s hard to worry about anything that has to be done later, when we’re sneaking around the shrubs outside of our house, searching for a bear. There are things to-do and dinner to cook waiting when play time comes to an end, those things aren’t going anywhere.
But, the real joy comes in the conversations we have in the middle of playing. The conversations in which she tells me about her day or asks about mine. When we talk we’re building something, and we aren’t using blocks. I often lie awake at night and talk with Allen about the funny things she says or does while we played. When I reflect on the day, it isn’t the loads of laundry that I completed or the things I checked off my to-do list that bring me joy, it’s that moment when she said something I’ll remember forever, when she touched my heart with her sweet words or actions.
Like the time she stopped playing to lean over to me and say, Mama do you know why I am smiling? ‘Cause I am your Braylen.
This is so sweet. And I am GUILTY of always having my phone and I”m trying to stop that. I love what you said about playing with intent. YES!
Thanks Kelly, it’s a product of our technology driven world and sometimes I just long for a slower pace, really taking the time to listen to what she’s saying and give her my attention.
I’m reminded about really playing with my daughter when the grandparents visit. They live far away, so they value that time so much. I get newly inspired to close the laptop and forget the to do list!
Yes! I know exactly what you mean!
Love, love, love! This is so inspiring to me!
Thanks, Jennifer. I’m such a work in progress when it comes to this, but I like the fact that I’m moving in the right direction now, instead of realizing this year down the road.
I find myself with my phone while we’re playing so I can capture photos. I want those photos because I know she’s growing up so quickly, however, it’s a distraction. You said it so well “playing with intent” and those memories we make playing are far more precious than any photo. Thank you for this reminder.
I agree, Karen. I do the same thing sometimes. I heard Jon Acuff speak last year and I changed my mind about “needing my phone for a camera” I think society teaches us, if we don’t take a picture, it didn’t happen. I came home and started practicing that, I’ve since learned that sometimes I need a camera and I need to document milestones. Other times, I’m happy to celebrate special moments between the two of us, those sweet, tender moments that are just for our hearts.
This is such a great series you guys are doing. I’m not a parent but as an aunt to 2 nieces I’m guilty of “playing” with them while doing 100 other things as well. But I agree that it is when you focus on them that the fun is really had and the conversations are the best! They say the funniest things.
They do!! Allen and I literally lie in bed laughing about the things she says and does!
This is such a great post. I am guilty of always being on my phone or watching a TV show in the background that I’m not fully giving y kids the attention they deserve. Thanks for the reminder to put my phone down and play with my kids!
Thanks, Katie. I’m definitely a work in progress, but happy to be moving in the right direction full of realization.
so so true. the conversations are the best. and, mine are so smart like many. they KNOW when you are fully engaged and it makes all the difference. thanks for the precious reminder.
Yes, yes!! They do know! I used to think that it really didn’t matter but whoa, I was way wrong. She knows and it’ll be a foundation for a relationship. I want her to know she can have all of my attention. She deserves that.
Oh, Jennifer, I really love this! I can identify with everything you wrote and it struck such a chord in me, especially playing alongside Griffin. You expressed yourself so beautifully. Thanks, friend! 🙂
Thank you, Rachel! I think it’s such a hard thing to do, to turn ourselves “off” from the distractions around us. Social media makes us think we’ll miss something. When truthfully, I was missing something WAY more important.
This is a great post! I can totally relate to it all. Those conversations in the middle of all the playing are the best.
Thank you! And yes, conversations we wouldn’t have had otherwise!!
This is just so sweet. I love it. Those little conversations just come out in the most unexpected times. Todd tells me this a lot about Hudson. Hudson will just be sitting there, quietly building something with blocks and then all of a sudden he’ll open up and talk about his day. It usually just takes us being so intentional about focusing only on him. Which is so hard! The noise around us can be so consuming, but being willing to step away from social media, the TV, the do-list … we can learn so much about what’s going on with our kids. And I know that when they’re teenagers this will be the exact same way.
Yes, Erin! This is exactly what I mean, she tells me the best stories and little details about her day in the moments that we are really engaged and playing with each other. Those moments are so special.
Jennifer- you always write the most honest and sincere posts! You have an amazing gift to connect with others through each of your posts, especially me! I always feel as though I have thought/experienced/said something that you have written about and that I feel so connected each time I come over to your lovely blog and read on. Thank you for that! Reading your posts inspires me in so many ways- you may or may not realize that your posts have that kind of impact on me but they do. It is easy to tell what a wonderful person you are, an amazing mother and a fabulous wife. I am so thankful you wrote this particular post because I have been struggling with this for awhile- wanting to play with my girls, yet catch up on chores or talk to friends. It is a tough challenge to want to do both, but in the end- our kids are what is most important and we will never get back these opportunities if we don’t take them now.
Thank you again! xo
Lindsey- You inspire me in SO many ways. Thank you so much for your kind words and for always encouraging me!
It’s definitely more difficult to play with your kids than I thought! There is just so much on your to-do list and it’s hard to shove it aside, but so important.
I know, I know! I thought this will be so fun, but it’s hard to turn our minds off. When I can really focus, I have the best time, but I have to leave everything behind and push my mental to-do list aside.
It was so nice to meet you last week at Blissdom Jennifer! This is a wonderfully written post and really resonated with me. I know I’m certainly guilty of missing out on things because I’m too busy fiddling with my phone or checking facebook. These precious little ones deserve our undivided attention more often. Thanks for sharing your heart!
Meagan, I am SO glad I got to meet you! You are exactly right, they deserve it and when I think of who I’m putting it aside for, it doesn’t make any sense at all.
I pretty much wrote about the same situation when I linked up. It all hit me this weekend when we went camping and I didn’t keep the phone on me all the time. I felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted off me when I was able to just focus on playing with Andrew and Scott and really taking in those little moments.
And then this writing/blog link up popped up- almost like it was perfect timing. 🙂
God works in mysterious ways. 🙂
I was so jealous of your unplugged camping trip! It looked like a ton of fun (and I am anti-camping) 🙂
i love the idea behind this so much! i recently found the guts to publish a blog post about making the most of the toddler years and i want to thank you for the opportunity of linking up! 🙂
happy wednesday to you!
xoxo.
I love your post so much!! I’ve actually read your blog for sometime now, you have an incredible story and so much heart! You are so inspiring to me.