31 days of simply joys: day 4

I want to dig a little deeper for the fourth installment of the 31 Days series. If you’re new here, I’m blogging about Simple Joys in our everyday life for 31 Days as part of the Nester’s  series. Tonight I want to talk about the simple joy I find in letting go of the moments of sheer parenting failure and recognizing that the good moments certainly outweigh the bad.

No doubt, I can look back over the past two years and there are some pretty big moments that stick out. There are so many sweet little memories packed into less than 30 months that I often wonder how my heart will be able to hold the joys of a lifetime of parenting. Or another child. Sometimes I feel like my heart is going to literally burst when she lays her head on my shoulder and whispers, “I love you, mommy,” completely unprompted. My heart swells and I know, I just know that I’m getting so many things right when it comes to parenting her.

So why do the other things always stand out? When I read an article about toddler feeding and the horrible things that are in food today I feel extreme guilt over that kids meal she just devoured. Never mind that I make her the cutest lunches, never mind that our kitchen is stocked full of fresh produce and that she has a love for edamame.   In those moments the only things I dwell on are the things I have done wrong.

I don’t know why life works that way. We can do a million good things but it always seems as if they are overshadowed. Overshadowed by that time that she rolled off of the couch or fell off of the bed. Overshadowed by that kids meal when we were just too busy to make it work any other way. Or when I longed for the connivence of a dinner without the messiness.

But she’s good, right? Of course! She’s happy and healthy and absolutely thriving. No permanent damage from watching an episode of Bubble Guppies here and there. No detachment issues from the candy we bribed her with to use the potty and then promptly halted when she was good and well, trained. She’s social and polite, she’s funny and witty.

I am incredibly proud of her two-year-old self.

Lately I’ve been working on a good ol’ focus shift. One in which I let go of that nagging guilt. One in which I hang the worry up for another day. Because I know without any doubt that the good times outweigh the bad a million to one. Or perhaps even more.

And I know that a lot of these feelings come from others’ opinions. Here’s to setting those aside as well. To eating out when we want to and sitting down to a home cooked meal on the other nights. To playing on the playground or watching Team Umi Zoomi. Playing the iPad or helping me “cook.” Whatever it is that makes us happy , without guilt or pressure.

I know that there are sweet, precious moments that mean so much more than skinned knees from falling off her tricycle (when I’m the one who is pushing her around). Like the moment after when she lays her sweet head on my shoulder and I make everything better.

Because I’m her mom and I fill her life with love and security and Jesus and giggles.

Every single day.

Good or bad.