There are definite times in my life when I feel like God flat out tells me “No” and while I can’t see it right away, there is always a lesson to be learned. Sometimes my plans, my goals, my dreams, my expectations move way too fast. I’ve already told you that I am the only girl on either side of my family and coupled with the fact that there are 6 years between my brother and I makes for some rather interesting inbeded character traits. It’s a mix of I-thought-I-was-an-only-child reality shock, oldest-child mentatility and “our only baby girl” syndrome. What I’m really trying to say (and what I don’t really want to say) is sometimes, er often times I get a case of what I like to call the “I want it nows.” Perhaps you’re familiar with this?
The “I want it nows” plague me relentlessly. I know, I’m an adult now. I live in the real world and as much as I’d like to throw a fit sometimes when things don’t go my way, I know that certainly won’t be the answer. In fact, I’ll just look like a crazy person. But don’t you think that sometimes when my jeans don’t fit me or I can’t find my car keys I don’t want to sit down and cry until someone fixes it for me. (And yes there are much bigger problems in the world and in life, I’m working on it.) And we wonder why toddlers throw tantrums to get their way. Hello, it’s easier.
I really am writing all of this for a specific reason, stick with me here. Last August, on a whim, we looked at a house in what to be the perfect location. It was in the middle of my parents, Allen’s parents, church and work. It had the land that Allen had desired, 5 completely flat acres, a pool, the specific number of rooms I envision. We made an offer and put a contingency contract on the house. The contract said we would purchase the house within 30 days of closing on our house. Okay, great, we’ve got a plan, we’ve got a time frame and now we need to sell our house. I need to be honest with you here and tell you that I was suffering greatly from the “I want it nows.” I wanted a new house, that new house and I wanted it as soon as possible.
We put our house on the market the next week. We waited. And we waited. We waited for 2 long months and we had people look and we had low offers, but we weren’t satisfied. Our house came off of the market in September and I was a little sad. Not as sad as I would have been had you told me in August we would still be living here, but sad nonetheless. That was it, the house I just knew we were meant to live in for years and years to come. And if we were meant for it, why wasn’t it working out?
I cringe at that person who couldn’t see a bigger plan because I was stuck on what I wanted, when I wanted it. That immature way of thinking almost landed us with two mortgages. I was so caught up in my own selfishness that I wouldn’t have believed you if you told me I would sit here, nearly 6 months later, and be so thankful that our house didn’t sell. So thankful that I am not living in the house I thought was perfect for us. Today, I am more aware than ever that I don’t make the plans. I don’t write the story. I don’t even choose the place and it’s certainly not on my timeframe. Today, I’m a little more concerned with being thankful for what we have and a little less worried about what we might get tomorrow.
Our house is on the market again, as of Saturday. And wouldn’t you know we looked at houses this weekend and I absolutely fell in love with one (and I also wondered what in the world EVER made me think I just had to have that other house). This time we didn’t make an offer, no contracts, no talk of purchasing it before we can sell ours. This time I realize there is a step one (and logically it should come before step two) and consuming myself with relentless thoughts of “what if” and “why not” is incredibly counterproductive.
My answer last time was a definite “no” and who knows it may very well be the same way this time, but that’s okay. I’ve learned my lesson and I’ll silence the voice inside of me that wants it right now. Lord knows if it’s patience that is being taught I need to be on the front row taking notes.
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Thank you for sharing this, I feel like I am the same way. My family calls it my instantaneous gratification syndrome, because once I get it in my head that I want something, I try to find the fastest way to get it. I’m learning my lesson a little backwards because ‘I had to have’ the house we live in now, not really knowing much of the town, and now a year and a half later we realize this isn’t where we want to settle, and have to wait a while until the housing market in our area bounces back. Hopefully your house sells quickly this time!!
Maybe instead of Him say NO, He is saying Not Now because He had better plans instore for you. That is how I see it, in my own situation. Good luck on the sale of your house!!!
Great post! And a reminder that I needed to hear. Love your line “Today, I’m a little more concerned with being thankful for what we have…” Love it.
All of this is so hard! We have our house on the market. We put it up in June 2010, and left it up until June 2011. Then, we decided it was time to stop stressing ourselves out, take a break, regroup. We listed again in December, had 1 showing, and haven’t looked at any houses because I can’t help but feel like it’s never going to happen. God’s timing is perfect, so, I’m trying to remember that and just enjoy even having a house at all right now. But…I can relate to a lot of your post. Best of luck to you, friend!
I feel the same way so often! You’re not alone and it’s so great you’ve realized sometimes you just need to wait. It’s still hard to do 🙂 Good luck with everything. I’m sure you and your adorable little family will end up in just the right place.
I feel like you were talking directly to me! I struggle with ‘immediate gratification’ too, especially since we bought our first home, and I have big plans to make it exactly the way I want it: spotless and decorated perfectly. Ha. It’s funny how God teaches us lessons at times like these. I’ve been trying to harness the “wants’ as well, so this really hit home with me today! Thanks girl :o)
Great post – I went through this with the house stuff, too. It can be disheartening b/c when we get our minds and hearts set on something, we want it. Sometimes it’s hard to accept that something “isn’t meant to be” (which is probably exactly why those words annoy people so often). At the end of the day, I think it is about control and the fact that we’re constantly having to come to terms with the fact that we can’t control everything about this life on Earth.
Jennifer- you truly have a way with words!! You are able to capture your audience with everything you write!! This post truly spoke to me and I am soo grateful it did!!! Thank you!!!
Oh I am soooooo impatient. HAHA That’s the thing that Jon always rolls his eyes at – I want things that I want and I want them now. Not tomorrow, but now. We joke that I need to relearn patience, but I don’t have time for that now 😉