moments that define

There are moments I’ve always known would define me, from as far back as I can remember, even before I knew what the phrase “defining moments” truly meant. You know, most girls have dreams of becoming a wife and a mommy and we toy with those fantasies even in our dress-up days. We play house and we rock our baby dolls, as we grow older we name our children, and when we’re in high school we scribble our names on notebooks with the last name of the current flavor of the month. We are smitten with the idea of walking down the aisle in a white dress long before the day ever comes and we watch in amazement as other brides walk down the aisle with perfect, princess-like grace.


Of course, there are so many more big moments that we always dream about but I’m sure you get the picture. The funny thing is, we look at those moments as the ones that will define us, our wedding day, our childrens birthdays, but it’s really so much more than that.

Nearly two years ago when I put a proverbial check-mark beside the word Mom I didn’t really look past that moment in the operating room when they placed BK close to my chest and I caught my first glimpse of her, the one who essentially made me a mom. 


In the past 22 months I’ve learned a thing or two about defining moments and I’ve had a few that I never saw coming. I’ve had a few that stopped me dead in my tracks, that shook my being and caused me to reevaluate the important things in life, to stop and take notice of the smallest things. I’ve had some that have changed me, defined me. And those moments? They didn’t come when she was sleeping soundly in her crib and they didn’t come while I was breathing in the sweet smell of a newborn swaddled tightly in a freshly washed receiving blanket.

You see, the thing about defining moments is that they typically come in times we could have never scripted or fantasized about in our heads.

Like that moment when I realized just how much I had to be thankful in our tiny blessing.  Mine came in the waiting room outside of the Special Care Unit at Children’s Hospital when BK was just 15 days old. I was having a pity party, asking why and I was mad because the nurses shift change meant I had to leave my baby’s bedside. And then a couple sat down beside us and they discussed the prognosis of their 3-month-old with a rare and terminal neurological disorder. At that moment my mindset completely changed and I’m quite sure I can never go back to the way it was before.

Or the moment when I swallowed my pride. In the grocery store when the Mylar balloon became my biggest enemy as I lost my sweet child to a full on toddler meltdown. My palms grew sweaty, my chest tightened, my heart began to race. I knew in that moment I had three options, pick her up and walk out of the store, give in and give her the balloon or carry on like there wasn’t a crying baby in my cart. I chose the latter, she cried for about 2 more minutes and it was over. I relaxed and I was we walked out of the store, groceries in hand, sans balloon, I smiled. 


How about the moment when I realized she was listening, I mean really listening. When she repeated after Allen, “ohhh trap!” I reflected on that moment for a while and ultimately realized it was a game changer. Not only those certain words that we consider off-limits, but insults, gossip and negativity all had to be tossed aside as well. 

Most importantly, the moment when she talked about Jesus, when she said “Mommy, Jesus loves you.”  The moment when she bowed her head to pray before bedtime, unpromted, she folded her little hands together and whispered a sweet bedtime prayer. It was that moment that reassured me that no matter what, as long as she has Jesus in her heart, everything else will be just fine. 


I could literally go on and on forever; these moments occur on a near daily basis and will continue forever. What these defining moments all have in common is the powerful lesson they have each reiterated:

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