Build ‘Em Up- Creative Correction

I am so excited to join Kelly, Erin and Courtney this morning to bring you Build ‘Em Up. Today we are talking about Creative Correction. Link up and get involved, I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic, as I think it’s one of the toughest ones we’ve had so far.

Discipline is such a loaded topic and there’s no easy way to address the topic. Especially not in a 500 word post. Remember, what works for me may not work for you, and what works for you may not work for others. I don’t think there’s a magic answer that makes all discipline problems cease, and I certainly don’t feel like I’m an expert on this topic. What I have for you today is a look at some things we do that really work, most of the time.

For me, the most important thing is for Braylen to understand that it is her choices that get her into trouble. The fault or blame isn’t on anyone else, and she is the one who is always responsible for her actions. We talk a great deal about her behavior when she gets in trouble, and I always ask her to tell me why she had to sit in time out or why she had something taken away from her as a result of her behavior. She’s a smart girl, and I know she is capable of this and I know that she understands what I’m asking. Communication is fundamental to discipline, and taking ownership of the action, rather than deflecting the blame to something else is key in our home.

We also really focus on good choices and bad choices and it goes back to the idea of actions having responsibility. And as she gets older we’ll talk more about what it means to be proactive. I teach kindergarten and say to my students a hundred times each day, being good means setting a good example even when no one is watching. And while things are simple right now, and we’re with BK all of the time, I want her to know that I expect the same behavior no matter where she is or who she is with. I don’t believe I can do this with fear tactics, I don’t want her to be afraid of what might happen if she were to get caught. Instead, I want her to have a responsibility to herself, to understand why it’s important to do good, rather than being afraid of doing bad.

So what does that look like in our home?

1. Positive Reinforcement-  Praise for the good. Don’t get me wrong, we don’t only focus on the positive, but we do put emphasis on great behavior. If we’re pointing out the bad, I think it’s only fair we point out the good along with the bad. Positive reinforcement doesn’t mean we are continually praising every little thing that she does, but it means we point out things and we make her aware that we are watching and that we are proud.
2. Consistency is key- I notice the biggest changes in her behavior when we’re off track. Toddlers love routine, and while we don’t stick to a strict schedule each day, we have common meal times and bed times. I think discipline requires the same level of consistency. There are behaviors that require immediate attention, no matter where we are. It’s easy to correct behaviors at home, but I find that it’s tougher when where at a birthday party or out running errands. Those are the times when I feel most defeated, in fact. And I know those are the times when those behaviors need the most attention.
3. Figure out what works for your child- The hardest part about discipline is that is isn’t one size fits all, that we can’t all use one method and raise thriving children with a good set of morals and a great heart. Different things work for different children and I think the trial and error in finding what works is incredibly tough. I felt defeated and drained and much like a I was failing, until we found what works in our home. And while it works now, it may not work forever. It’s a constant learning curve.
4. Keep the communication open- She’s just three right now, but we talk and talk and talk about discipline. I ask her a million questions about why she did what she did and why it isn’t okay. And I expect answers from her, because I know she’s capable of giving me answers. And we keep going around >and around until she understands that it isn’t okay. But we always end with a big hug and she always knows just how much we love her, even if she doesn’t miss out on something or have something taken away from her.
5. Talk it over with your spouse- This is huge. HUGE. It is so very important for Allen and I to really talk about discipline and to be on the same page.
   

And I know, I know it’s hard to believe this sweet face could do anything but pretend to be a princes and build towers with logo’s with a smile on her face, but it’s true. Indeed, we fight many battles in our home, but we are always sure to choose them wisely.

I want to hear from you! What works, what doesn’t, how do you handle this crazy world of toddler discipline? Will I ever get it right? 🙂