dear judson, today you are one

dear judson,

Today you are one! This past year has been good to us, so very good. One year ago today, I met you and meeting you certainly changed my heart in many ways. I never imagined a love like I would find with you, to be honest, I didn’t know how I would love another baby like I love your sister. And then it happened, I held you and I knew, I knew that even though I would never be able to explain this feeling, I knew it would be different from that moment forward. Oh boy, was I right.

This year passed quickly, and some months I feel were a blur. When I read back the things I wrote about your sister through the years, I can remember them so vividly, writing triggers the best memories. Now, I sit here and I think about you. What do I never want to leave behind when my mind crowds with more and the distance spans the years?

I want to remember it all, take it all with me, carry it always. All of the things that make you unique and wonderful to us. From big open mouth kisses, to sweet bedtime snuggles.

I want to remember how you melt my heart when you get your feelings hurt because someone sits you down and walks away and you put your head down and cry the most pitiful cry. Until I pick you up and you instantly change your demeanor. How will I ever forget that you always let me be the one who makes it all better. Can you do that forever?

I never want to forget how happy you are. If anyone looks at you or speaks to you, you automatically light up and radiate pure happiness. Bud, it doesn’t matter how mad you are, I can look at you and smile and you smile right back at me. You are so good for my heart. You are content to be, an observer, taking it all in and watching intently. You love everyone you meet, you smile and even go to new people, but you keep me in eye sight. You love to explore the playroom and will stay and play as long as we’ll let you.

You have a smile I’m certain will be etched in my memory for all the days. It’s fills your face and squishes your eyes shut. You smile with everything you have. Most of the time, I don’t even realize how I’m smiling the entire time I am with you until my cheeks start to ache.

I have a feeling I might need a reminder of the little things in a few years. The way you love your daddy’s guitar and crawl straight towards it each time you find where he has laid after he finishes playing. The way you sing back to us at bedtime. The way you love your sister. No one makes you happier, you want to be where she is, you want to do what she is doing. The way you clap your hands, the way you play peek-a-boo, the way you never sit down while taking a bath. The little things like the way you crawl as fast as you can away from me and stop and turn around to see if I’m going to chase after you and play your game. The way you drop food over the side of your hair chair to feed Coco when I’m not looking, and if I catch you in the act, you quickly take the bite to your mouth as if you’ve been doing the right thing all along.

My goodness, I hope I never forget all of the little things that make you special. The way your tiny toes curl when you’re excited, the way you light up when you see a ball, the way you love to eat. Boy, do you love to eat. The face you would always make when we tried to give you a paci, like we had offended you by offering you something without milk.

Did you know you have changed me in so many ways? I’m calmer, more patient, more laid back with you. I take a nod from your calm demeanor and carry on with a little more patience. I can’t be sad that this year has come to an end, we are going to have many more good times to come. I’ve become so acutely aware of just how blessed we are to live this life we have together and I promise to never take a day with you for granted.